:: DAY 4 ::

My addictions and bad habits are many... sadly... but I am confident enough with myself to admit that.

#1... take a big FAT guess what I might say. I don't want to explain it any longer.



#2 Netflix: It is the best and worst $10 we spend each month. I have caught up on so many dumb shows that I didn't even know existed that I have NEEDED to watch. I figure my queue will run out eventually, but until then I'm watching it.


These are the two biggies right now. I really have no intentions of stopping either. They are making me a little lazier, but if I watch Netflix on the iPod touch while drinking a Diet DP and going on a walk, I see a brighter future.

:: I'M ROCKIN' THIS CHALLENGE ::

HOLY SMOKES... I'm really good at follow through, eh? Day 3 stumped me because all of my photos of myself with friends are on our desktop that currently doesn't have a monitor connected to it (I stole the monitor for my work laptop). I'm to lazy to climb under my desk and unplug it and take it about 20 feet to the desktop and climb under that desk. Whew. Just wears me out thinking about it.

In the meantime, our oven broke. It is prehistoric so we are very happy. We decided we'd go through our home warranty and they are replacing it with a new one. We only have to pay about $30 for a new stainless range that matches our dishwasher. WOOT! If only I could get the fridge to break before July 1st. We can't even have the oven plugged in because the alarm saying something is wrong won't stop beeping. If I can't cook it on an electric skillet, we aren't having it. The new oven should be here by the end of next week.

I've worked almost 40 hours this week. Crazy...

My church Primary calling has become a full-time job this week, too.

My brother Jeff is in town with his family so we're going to my parents for a nice warm meal. With a broken oven we've eaten a lot of grilled cheese and pancakes. They better bake something!

I started drinking diet soda again. I went 2 weeks without it. I totally missed it. I've cut out all processed sugar from my diet and I don't miss it at all. But all I think about is Diet DP. I need to go to rehab. SO... I am allowed one a day. If I make it to 4:00 pm without one, I won't drink one. It is working pretty well so far. Moderation is best anyway right?

I feel really bad for the Japanese people. Last week I couldn't pull myself away from the videos showing the waves carrying buildings away. So sad.

I'm currently addicted to past seasons of ANY show that has aired on ABC Family. It is rather pathetic how quickly I cruise through these shows. They are always on in the background while I work.

That is all... my life is the same as always.

Now back to the regular blog silence that you are used to. Woot!

:: DAY 2 ::

At the time I started this blog (almost 5 years ago) I was just discovering the land of craft blogs. Within the first 6 months, I realized that most of them were just copying whatever someone else was doing, or reposting some fabulous project from another blog. ALSO, I was doing a lot of craft boutiques (selling my goods) at the time. I came home from a particularly bad show (I sold like 2 things) in total frustration. Everyone EVERYONE (read: except the two that bought something) made the comment, "Oooh. I can make that." or "Did you just use ____?" or "Where did you buy the ____ to make _____." I was so mad.

Let me back up. My craftiness was inherited from my parents. My mom and dad were both very willing to let us use their stash to make what we wanted. I sewed a little in home ec, but as a youth I was always covering things with sequins and fabric scraps. My mom let me do with my room what I pleased. She let me draw on my shoes. My friends, Ris and Kim, used to draw stories of us doing amazing things (and kissing hot boys - I still have some of them Ris) and I would plaster my walls with them. Then Ris asked me to sew fabric panels in the sides of pants. We did that for a year and I made a few tank tops and Halloween costumes. My freshman year of college, my roommate Kirstin got me started on scrapbooking. My sophomore year in college I started working at a mill end fabric/craft store called Piece Goods. I had rows and rows of vintage trims for like 17 cents a yard. I started my craft supply collection then. When I was serving my LDS mission, making things is what I missed the most. Crazy huh. When I got home, I modge podged a dresser, and then married an artist. I like to make things... or think about making things.

Fast forward... Utah is an extremely crafty and 'mend and make do' kind of state. Crafty is part of the LDS young women's and Relief Society programs. We are taught to be resourceful and make things. So, after a while with just my name at the top of my blog, I decided to mimic the millions of crafty ladies in this state and just exclaim "I CAN MAKE IT". Originally I thought I was going to make this blog about craft tutorials and things I'd like to knock off, but I lost interest in it. There are so many other blogs out there doing the same thing. So for now, I'll just keep hoarding crafting supplies and make things when I can.

However... the lesson in all of this is, sometimes it isn't worth going home and making it. I appreciate artisans and I am willing to buy stuff from them that I can make because they are out there making an effort to make money off of their wares.

Make sense?

:: DAY 1 ::

EEEK! That is really close up picture of myself. Do I have a big chin? This pic is very Jay Leno-esque... It was taken on 10/31/10 as we darted from house to house trick-or-treating in the pouring rain.

Today is the day I start blogging again (see post below). I'll try... really I will. But I am not known for finishing very many things. Okay, 15 things about myself.

1. I'm amazed that I am 32. I remember once asking my mom how old she was. She said she was 34. I was only 4 at the time. That is only 2 years away. I think I am still 19-21 year old Lori.

2. I really really like my hair. It is never "done" but it is strait and so manageable. I don't even really have to blow dry it. When I was younger I kept it long because I was secretly quite vain about it. The long hair didn't really bother me until I was at the end of my LDS mission. I was in FL and it was hot. Plus I had gained a lot of pounds and I was headed home in 3 weeks. I needed something to distract everyone from my new found girth. So I cut 2 entire feet off. 2 FEET! Amazingly enough... I've done that twice and donated it to Locks of Love.

3. I always say I love making things, but in reality I love planning to make things. Figuring out the design and shopping for supplies is my favorite part of the entire project. I really don't have time to make things.

4. I work from home. A LOT. I enjoy it. I enjoy the free quiet time in my "mom cave" as I work away. Working part time is harder than working full time. Balancing work and home is hard, but I really am so glad that I have a job.

5. I have a hard time getting pregnant. I wish I didn't because I'd like to have more kids before I am 35.

6. When I am in a bad mood, all I want is a Maverick mug full of Diet DP and to listen to Rancid. I don't think I was an angsty teen, but when I am grumpy I revert right back to the way I was when I was 18 (except I was drinking regular DP).

7. I love live music but (read: in my old age) I hate going to concerts. I've become to uptight about being in bars, and getting hit in the head with an elbow, and screechy microphones. I need a suite in the top of the Energy Solutions Arena where I can sit in a comfy chair and enjoy the music.

8. Speaking of music, I haven't listened to any of my CDs in years but I refuse to load them on my computer and get rid of them. I have about 300. I have made a few exceptions when I need new workout music and when I am in a bad mood (see #6).

9. I want my house to be an Anthropologie display.

10. I want my closet to be an Anthropologie store.

11. I want to be rich (and stick thin) so I can shop guilt free at Anthropologie.

12. That being said, I only own a few small items from Anthropologie.

13. I hate cooked fruit. I love desserts, but will never eat a fruit pie.

14. I want to go to Japan only to buy fabric and little silly trinkets.

15. If I had all of the money in the world, I would only wear a pair of socks one time. I absolutely love brand new socks. LOVE!

:: BACK ON THE WAGON ::

I saw this challenge on my cousin's blog and I thought it might help me get back into the habit of blogging. I've just been so busy with so many things that I forget to do what I enjoy. So... it starts tomorrow.

The thirty day blog challenge...

day 1- recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
day 2- the meaning behind your blog name
day 3- a picture of you and your friends
day 4- a habit that you wish you didn’t have
day 5- a picture of somewhere you've been to
day 6- favorite super hero and why
day 7- a picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
day 8- short term goals for this month and why
day 9- something you're proud of in the past few days
day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad

day 11- another picture of you and your friends
day 12- how you found out about blogger and why you have one
day 13- a letter to someone
day 14- a picture of you and your family
day 15- put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play
day 16- another picture of yourself
day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
day 18- plans/dreams/goals you have
day 19- nicknames you have and why you have them
day 20- someone you love
day 21- a picture of something that makes you happy
day 22- what makes you different from everyone else
day 23- something you crave for a lot
day 24- your last five facebook status'
day 25- what I would find in your bag
day 26- what do you think about your friends
day 27- why are you doing this 30 day challenge
day 28- a picture of you from last year and now, how have you changed since then?
day 29- in this past month, what have you learned
day 30- your favorite song

:: ADVENT ::

I know Christmas is over, but my Christmas decor needed a major overhaul. Now that I know we'll still be here until next year (which I NEVER hoped for in our apartment for the last 8 years), I can find permanent stuff. I found loads and loads of stuff at Hobby Lobby for 80% off. Whoa momma! However, I did not find a tree for under $50 so we'll have our little 4 foot midgie for another year I guess. I just need to be more aggressive next year.

image from Pottery Barn

One thing I want to make a permanent staple in the Van Wag house hold is the tradition of Advent. My brother-in-law's girlfriend bought the kids one of those cheepy chocolate and cardboard versions from the market and the loved it. LOVED it. Cohen said it made Christmas seem like FOREVER (in Sandlot voice) away.

image from tip junkie

I remember my mom having a lovely puffy fabric Christmas tree that she hanged mini candy canes on. I think eventually we just quit taking the candy canes off and they stayed there year after year. We'd only eat them when desperate for sugar.

image from the painter family blog

I would like one that I could use year to year without the kids getting too bored from it. I want it to be something they look forward to.

image from Ashley Woolf

I'm torn between several different versions... should I focus on a piece of candy? a small gift? an activity? a scripture? I don't know.

image from Linda Barutha Designs

I don't know. I've bookmarked a whole bunch of images of the advent calendars. It is a good thing I have a while to think about it before I need to have it done. But you all know me... I'll be working on it next Dec. 3rd.

:: IDEAS ::

Image Source

I came across this and I needed to bookmark it somehow. I would like to make something like this for Piper's bedroom. It would be darling on her "P" wall (that is still in the works). The monogram trend is probably already out and will be even more out by the time I finally get all of the Ps finished. I'm almost there.

:: OUTSOURCED ::


Today has been a strange day for me. I woke up knowing I had a hard decision to make. I've been offered more hours and responsibilities with my job. For the past 4 years I have been able to work for Carone Fitness entirely at home with my kids around. I've had help on busy busy days, but for the most part I could juggle it. But not lately. I can't stay up working until 2:00 am any more. I have too many other things going on in my life, but I really like (and need) my job. So - I have hired help. I don't feel wrong about it at all, just different. Cohen used to go to my in-laws house every day while I was working full-time and Mike was in school and we've had people babysit our kids all of the time, but this just feels so different. This is a decision that is going to help me stay on top of my job. I can set aside a specific time for work and not feel guilty that I have kids in the other room watching television. I won't mutter the words, "just a minute." so often. A little bit of my heart breaks thinking about it. But I am ready.

PS. This post is random. I don't even know what I am trying to get out...just some feelings. The end.

:: MAYBE I'LL START BLOGGING AGAIN ::

Photo has nothing to do with post.

Here we are at the beginning of another year. Judging by the activity levels and chaos during my life in the past two weeks, I am under the impression that 2011 is going to be gone before I know it. Then it will be 2012, which is supposedly the end of the world, so I guess I should really live this year up.

We finally got a DVD player so the kids don't have to lounge around to portable on my bed

I feel like I should make resolutions, but I know myself. They'll be out the door within the week. Changing habits is HARD! My resolution is to stay on top of things so that I don't feel so bogged down with tasks all of the time. I figure with my new calling as Primary President, added duties and demands at work, the goal of living in a more grown-up (read: clean) home, the desire to stay in touch with people, the inner need to create, and then there are all of those books I want to read... I think I've got enough to worry about. There are so many improvements to our home that need to be made like a yard, front landscaping, redoing the bathroom, crown molding and baseboards, and rain gutters. We NEED to go on a vacation this year and buy a trampoline. More importantly, I need to be a mother to my fabo kids and a wife to my husband. Isn't that the worst part of getting too busy... we neglect our families. (If I write it like we all do it, it makes me feel better).

Happy 2011 to you all. It is going to be EPIC! Okay... probably not, but I have a feeling it is going to be pretty darn good.

:: THE NEVER-ENDING BUSH ::

On the North side of our yard, we had a GIGANTIC bush... it had little white flowers when we first looked at the house. It didn't seem so bad. We did want to remove it, though. Much to our disappointment, it contained billions of 1" thorns. This bush was not going to give up a fight. Luckily, Mike did most of it.


I forgot to take a true "before" photo, but this is when about two-thirds of it was gone.

One weekend at a time... Mike found a tiny little fence.

A few weeks ago, we rented a green waste dumpster and got most of the bush in it. Sadly, not all of it would fit so we are (im)patiently waiting for Dec. 2nd when the next one shows up.

There it is! All gone (minus a stump you can see on the right). Wahoo! If you can imagine it, the bush went about 3 feet higher than the fence for the entire length. The bush was 12 feet deep. We gained 120 square feet of front yard. CRAZY!

That is the pile that we have left to fill another dumpster with. We also want to cut down some of that rascally tree. It is growing through the fence and under the sidewalk. Rascally! As you can see, we live at a dead end and just beyond that barrier is the gate that opens to the back playground of Cohen's elementary school. AWESOME! On cold days, he listens for the bell and then runs to the school and makes if with a few minutes to spare before the tardy bell rings.

Here is our house in all of its 1970's split level glory. I wish the leaves were still on the tree. The Halloween storm took them all off. Now that the crazy bush is gone, we have to put a fence in between the shed (that thing on the right of the house). My mom helped me build (what will be) the flower garden. I can't wait for spring. I was hoping to get a lot more done this Fall, but we've come a long way.

:: THE WALLPAPER AND OIL BASED PAINT LOSE AGAIN ::

This room is so far from being an "after" because one wall is still lined with boxes and we haven't put up the baseboards or door molding. However, this room took THE MOST work of all of the rooms in the house because of it's fabulous wallpaper and oil based paint and paneling. YIKES!

This is the basement living room. I don't know the difference between a living and family room, but this is the place that houses the television. So, which one is it?

Before:
That bookcase hides the water main shut off for the the house. We needed to keep it open, but didn't want that shelf there. The carpet was a nice purplish colored Berber that had been loved by dogs. Are you jealous? Are you wondering why we thought this house was the one?


The white is the 1970's finest paneling. The creamish color is a really rubbery natural patterned wallpaper (that was falling off) and the border well...

... it was just lovely. AND - they left three whole rolls in case we needed to do some touch ups.

We enlisted the help of my sister and her husband (there may or may not have been a baby in the blanket) and got to work. I hope all of you have a sister like Lyndsey with a husband like Darin. They are hard workers! (side note: they do it all with their little son strapped in a backpack on their back. They are teaching him young!)

Mike worked on this section in the hallway for 2 days. He was determined to get it smoothed out. After all of this hard work, he just knocked the wall down and started over. We have cement lip through out the entire basement and the previous owners tried to hide it with lopsided walls and poor taping. Mike raised the drywall up above it and we're hiding it with wide baseboards.
The paneling came off and the bookshelf came down. As we removed the wallpaper, we started noticing some yellow shining through the white primer. We started washing the wallpaper paste and more yellow was showing up. UGH. The yellow was an oil based paint that they didn't cover correctly so we had to wash all of the old primer off and then do some perfect primering (not a word). Mike framed out where the water main is and made it look much cleaner.

After:


A nice smooth wall with no bulges and bows in the sheet rock.


This is where the bookshelf used to be. Mike is going to build a door that will hide the water main, but I think he did a stellar job on this room. We've got a few more things to finish (after we're done concentrating on the outside) but over all it is a billion times better than it was.

:: THANKS FOR YOUR JUNK ::

We looked at several (at least 50) houses before we decided on this one. I could tell the previous owners were cluttery, but their house didn't seem dirty. HOLY SMOKES! When they moved out and we were finally allowed to go in I could not believe the amount of junk they left. I would expect it from a short sale or foreclosure... but we bought the house from them and paid the full asking price. Seems pretty jerky to me. We have about 2 more garbage days to finally be rid of what they left behind; shoes, pillows, a sweet dream catcher, tools, dog poop, dishes, but no treasures. Here are some things I took pictures of.

A closet before:

The same closet all cleaned and painted:


The scary laundry room (that is still scary):


The carpet remnants on the top shelf were so dusty and filled with spider webs. I actually took this photo after I threw a lot of the stuff away. I can't wait to get our tax return because we are turning this dungeon into a functional and bright laundry/storage.


More junk and a black market operation table. YIKES! It is now gone. That white blur on the right of this picture was a giant dream catcher. It had that weird fluffy dream catcher stuff on it, pheasant feathers, and SO MANY COBWEBS! I carried it very carefully out to the dumpster along with those pillows and random shoes.


This is what it looks like now (only it has our washer and dryer in there) and really this is as good as it will be for awhile. No more moldy carpet and scary dream catchers. The "after" pics will come after Uncle Sam writes us a check.


They also left us this sweet totally broken dog kennel, complete with a giant pile of petrified poop and some shredded tarps that are not pictured. This dog kennel is gone - I gave it to some scrap metal pickers along with a bottle of water. It was the least I could do. The grass is dead on purpose... we're killing it and all of the weeds that come along with it and starting over next spring. OH I CAN'T WAIT!


But on a brighter note, we have a great back deck (that I have powerwashed 1/2 of the paint off of) that is bigger than most of the rooms in the house and a fantastic view of the Wasatch Front. I look at this picture and wonder why I killed the lawn, but then I remember that more than 1/2 of the lovely green color in this picture are weeds.


I wish I had more to brag about on these spaces, but they really are the worst part of the house.

:: BEFORE AND SORT OF AFTER ::

As per request, here are some pics of before and after painting and carpet. We painted EVERY surface of this house (minus 3 ceilings) and a few cabinets. So here we go. (I'll do this in a few installments)

Living Room Upstairs:

Before:


Notice the lovely mauve curtains. They are replaced with the curtains I wrote about here.


Notice here the wall mounts for the television. Every room in this house had a cable running to it and wall mounts for the flat screens. If you want to mount your television to the wall, be sure you know where to put it. These were AWFUL to mud, tape and repair.

After:


We painted the walls a grayish color called Stormy Weather. The carpet is DELUXE and called Heather. I wanted strait gray, but Mike convinced me it needed to be a warmer gray (towards the brown side) and I am so glad I did. It is such a great neutral.


Our home is a split entry, so this is the 1/2 wall between the living room and the entry way. I love the white ledge. The entire house was a yellowy color and the previous owners did a very sloppy job and it was all over the baseboards and trims.

:: A CORNER IN A ROOM ::

Yesterday I enlisted the help of my neighbor to help me hang some stuff. For the most part it turned out, but then I got cocky and put some extra holes in the walls. Woops! Mike spent all summer making sure this house had no more holes in the walls... mudding, sanding, mudding, sanding... so he is hesitant about hanging anything. I am just sick of of everything leaning up against the walls and being on the floor. I want to feel like a I live here.


I tackled the easy stuff first. Cohen is a creative little guy. He loves drawing maps and anything related to Mario Bros. He was dead set on decorating his room with all things Mario. He wanted a mural (NOOOOOOOOOOO!) but we settled on posters instead. They are on the way. I digress... I wanted to give him his own little working corner. So here is what I did:


I grabbed this cork board from a friend's donate pile. I bought this little rod and 3 bucket thing at IKEA for a grand total of $5. He can keep his scissors, some markers and chalk/eraser in them. I have found that he keeps his creations for about 3 weeks. That is what the cork board is for. Usually he just tapes them wherever he wants them to be. The blue dresser houses his paper, crayons, stickers, beads, etc...


I bought a scrap piece of plywood from Home Depot for $4.01. I used some leftover chalkboard paint and there you have it. I just screwed it right into the wall (Mike was stoked!) because I didn't have any picture hangers handy.

The important thing is that Cohen loves it. LOVES IT! He couldn't wait for Mike to get home so he could show him. He spent a good part of the evening in there. I hope he doesn't grow much more in the next few months because his knees are barely fitting under that table.

:: THE BOWS ARE UNDER CONTROL ::

I wouldn't say that have OCD in most parts of my life, but there is something about adorning Piper's head with flowers and bows that sends my serotonin into shock. MUST.HAVE.DIFFERENT.BOW.FOR.EVERY.OUTFIT. It is a strange thing considering the lack of bows/flowers I've had in my hair during my lifetime (she has me beat... hands down) and how un-girly I've also been. The mess that was becoming every surface in her room and bathroom was driving me bonkers, so I organized her bows in a fancy manner.

I took this frame from IKEA:

I spray painted it white and covered the back with batting, fabric, and ribbon.

(If I could make this again, I would do a better job measuring.)

Hide the imperfections with a whole lotta flowers/bows.

Admire your work and then hang the first of many P's on the wall. I want the whole wall covered in Ps of all fonts and sizes (If you see any goodies, let me know).

:: CURTAINS COMPLETE ::


I figured that after living here for almost 2 months, and a comment from the neighbor about seeing us through our big front window, I should probably get some curtains up. I've been so wishy-washy about what I wanted. We have bright purple couches and they are definitely the elephant in the room. It is hard to decide what goes and what doesn't.

When Mike suggested orange I instantly knew that this IKEA fabric was the right stuff. I really wanted to find premade curtains because they are a pain(!) to make, but I bought all of this and then had second thoughts.


I made one and then let it sit there for 2-3 weeks. Today I finally hemmed it and finished up the other one during Piper's nap. I don't ever want to make curtains again. Lining and measuring and hemming and UGH... not my favorite project. But they are done, and our neighbor won't be able to see us anymore.

:: LABOR DAY ::



Literally... my SIL in labor with her first boy as I type. Another little Van Wagoner boy. This brings the total VW boy count to 10 with one lonely Piper girl.

I've decided that since we're finally moved in our house and school has started I should probably start posting again. We've been working our butts off all summer to get this place ready and still feel like there is so much to do. I have a lot of projects to share if I get around to it. I've decided that Saturdays as a homeowner are not as fun as Saturdays as a renter. SO MUCH TO DO! I almost feel guilty just sitting down to relax sometimes. But I must remind myself, I am paying for the cable now so I better watch it. Plus... college football just started. Wahoo!

We like our new area a lot. I say if you live in Salt Lake County and can't afford to live in Sugarhouse or the Avenues, Taylorsville is the place to be. Every thing is so convenient. I don't have to drive very far to find things and I love that. Cohen loves his teacher and school and has met many new friends. Piper loves throwing shoes down the stairs to the front door. I love mowing the lawn. Ahhh - about 95% of the time, home ownership is the BOMB-diggity.

I really need to sort through all of my photos so I can show you all some "before/after". I've been a little slow because while I have plenty of 'befores', I don't feel most 'afters' are as 'after' as they should be. We've still got boxes lying around (the above photo has nothing to do with anything - Piper was stealing Cohen's sucker and I thought it was funny).

Good luck to Missy and Andy as they have this baby au natural! Good luck to me to keep this bloggity-blog alive. Good luck to Mother Nature to keep this weather at a constant 75 degrees. I love it.

I need to go see the outcome of the BSU game. Adios!

Lori

:: I'LL TAKE ONE OF THESE, PLEASE ::

http://j-a-girl.blogspot.com/2010/06/get-your-silhouette-here.html

There is a contest going on, and I know I should be the recipient! Check it out... but don't decrease my chances of winning. :P

:: UPDATE ::

We've been really busy, but things have really calmed down and we're almost back to normal. I might add photos to this post later when I pull them all off of the camera. But, with the way things have been going, probably not. Here we go...

MARCH

Piper turned 1! She was so cute and loved being the center of attention.
Piper's hair also was long enough to start putting it in pig tails.
We decided to buy a house.
Cohen lost his first tooth.
We attended the Mule Dear dinner with my family.

APRIL

Cohen lost his second tooth.
We found a house and went under contract (thanks Obama! for the extra cash)
We dug up the flowers in Grandma's beds that we should have pulled up last fall.
I coached Cohen's soccer team. He actually enjoyed it this year.
Easter and General conference.

MAY

We had lots of visits from out of town guests.
Cohen finished Kindergarten.
We closed on our house but didn't get the keys.

JUNE

We finally got the keys to the house and we're still not living there.
We've spent a lot of time fixing it.
My Grandpa Seegmiller passed away at the age of 94.
We planted Grandma's flower beds.
My sister Jenny had a baby #4 - Payton.
Attended the crazy Twilight: Eclipse midnight release party. CRAZY.

So now on JULY 1st I can't believe so much of Summer is gone. We have been waiting for carpet to be laid in our house for a full month now. Boooo! I sent off the first mortgage payment and can't even live there. Our carpet will be laid on July 12th, so we can start moving in the next day. Wahoo!

:: FULL OF IDEAS ::

Today I went to the hardware store. I have A LOT of projects on the horizon. I just can't wait to share them all. This blog will soon be reborn.